By Glarnok the Illuminator
Dimension surfer, beam enthusiast, part-time travel agent for Moozerella.
So, Earthlings... Let’s talk portals.
Not the kind of VPN portals or the metaphorical career opportunity portals that you find in job portals (although, come to think of it, most of those are black holes as well). We are talking real portals. Real portals, those that rip through reality, warp the fabric of time and space, and occasionally produce a floating ball of light, a bewildered cryptid or a government researcher in pursuit.
I’ve been through a few.
What Is a Portal, Really?
So, in your Earth science terms, portals are usually linked to a wormhole, which is a theoretical tube in spacetime that joins two far off places. Like folding a taco in the universe so that the ends touch. That’s your shortcut. Add a dash of quantum spice, and suddenly your backyard is next door to Alpha Centauri.
In the field of human physics, wormholes are theoretically possible according to Einstein’s general relativity theory. But you'd need exotic matter to keep one open. Something even we interdimensional beings think is a bit bougie.
But guess what? It does not have to be real to be happening behind the hill where you live.
Mount Shasta: Vortex Capital of the Weird
Yes, Mount Shasta in California. It is the mountain that is popular with UFO sightings, and the idea of an inner Earth and is also a favorite with Instagram mystics.
There is said to be a secret alien base, a an entrance to a subterranean city called Telos, and enough weirdness to have your chakras sue you. People have seen UFOs entering and leaving the mountain as though it were a cosmic Starbucks. Time slips, vanishing hikers, interdimensional light shows-you name it.
Moozart once tripped over a quartz formation here and claimed to have seen a blue cow chewing time. We don’t talk about it.
Skinwalker Ranch & Rainbow Bridge: Utah’s Paranormal Power Couple
Skinwalker Ranch is already well-known to Earth as an interdimensional hotspot for UFOs, cryptids, and more portals than a sci-fi escape room. Watch this video to see scientists exploring a potential wormhole in the ranch. What most of you Earthlings don’t realize is that just 460 miles away lies Rainbow Bridge— a beautiful natural stone arch that may not be only a natural formation but also a cosmic pressure point.
However, while everyone knows that Skinwalker Ranch is the place where glowing orbs and humanoids come out of the air rips, in reality, Rainbow Bridge has long been considered sacred by the Indigenous cultures as a possible entry to the spirit world or other dimensions. And wouldn’t you know it? UFO sightings near the Bridge have increased, with flying discs and lights hovering in the desert sky like frustrated fireflies.
Many people think that the closeness of these two sites is not random. It could be that together they create some sort of interdimensional node like an alien hot tub where the space-time fabric occasionally erupts.
Moozart and I took a scenic float between the two on a zero gravity saddle with three snacks and no map and the vibes were charged. Moozart mooed at the Bridge for five minutes straight. I took it as a sign of cosmic alignment, or indigestion.
Other Hotspots in the Earthly Portal Network
Let's take this show on the cosmic road, because Earth has wormholes that are like bad fashion choices in the back of the closet:
Sedona, Arizona – Famous for its “energy vortexes,” Sedona is like screaming to you, “Meditate here and maybe you’ll vibrate into another dimension.” Strange feelings, shifting perception and UFOs doing lazy loops over the red rocks are reported by locals and visitors.
Stonehenge, UK - You have 5,000 year old stones that were probably placed there by ancient aliens or very dedicated druids. Either way, the whole site sits on intersecting ley lines and glows with mystery. Some visitors claim time distortion. Others just really enjoy the vibes. Moozart was unimpressed until a crow mooed at him. He hasn’t spoken of it since.
Lake Titicaca, Peru – This is one of the highest navigable lakes in the world and possibly the most mystical. UFOs have been seen going into the water and there is a sort of portal on a stone slab called the Gate of the Gods (Aramu Muru). It is said that if you touch it at the right time in the astral plane, you disappear. Moozart, however, just kept running into it with no consequence. Perhaps we missed our opportunity.
The Bermuda Triangle – The first and the most famous of mysterious places. Ships vanish, planes disappear, and compasses turn round like they are dancing at some kind of haunted party. Scientists explain this by saying that there are some magnetic anomalies or some methane bubbles. I say: interdimensional toll booth. Bring a coin. Maybe a cow.
Portal Pattern Analysis Highlights:
- The American Southwest contains a distinct grouping of locations which includes Mount Shasta, Sedona, Skinwalker Ranch and Rainbow Bridge.
- Stonehenge, Lake Titicaca and the Bermuda Triangle extend their connections across hemispheric distances which indicates a rough triangulation pattern spanning the planet.
- The sites create a scattered network when linked which indicates the possibility of an ancient grid or planetary energetic ley line system.
- Most portals exist in locations where water meets sacred stone formations. Coincidence? The aliens seem to prefer dramatic natural scenery combined with spiritual water sources.
The Earth's portal sites exist in specific locations that are not random. The sites demonstrate symmetry while emitting historical energy and a touch of delicious chaos. These locations stand as either alien landing zones or intense paranormal hotspots but they create an undeniable mooing effect.
Glarnok & Moozart's Portal Misadventure
We once fell into a rogue vortex behind a Cracker Barrel in Arkansas. We were just grabbing biscuits and the next thing we know, we were standing in a pink fog swamp with reverse-gravity flamingos and a vending machine that only gave out tears.
Moozart mooed in Morse code for three hours until we knew how to reverse the polarity with a churro and a flashlight. Never again.
Final Transmission
Are portals real? Science says maybe. Legend says absolutely. And I say: if you are ever walking through the desert and the air starts to ripples, do not go in unless you are ready to come out... a little bit different.
Until then, light your space, honor your cows, and if you are building a vortex in your living room, make sure the ambiance is on point.
Stay strange. Stay curious.
Glarnok out.
Explore our related blogs here:
Skinwalker Ranch: The Government-Backed Site of Paranormal Activity
Nome, Alaska Alien Abductions: The Strange Disappearances That Have People Talking
The Shaman Who Cursed Skinwalker Ranch: The Original Paranormal Interior Designer