Intro: A Cosmic Beef with Cows
What are aliens so keen on doing with cows? Is it their large, harmless eyes, their moo-music or maybe a cosmic desire for the perfect hamburger? Whatever the reason, cows appear to be a universal refreshment for aliens, in a way that no rancher would consent to. From the precise cuts that look like they’ve been made by surgeons to the appearance of glowing orbs, cattle abduction has become a real headache for ranchers, scientists, and conspiracy theorists.
Around the world, reports of mutilated livestock with the otherwise impossible, bloodless wounds, and missing organs have left us scratching our heads (and perhaps reaching for our tinfoil hats). These are not your average rural ghost stories; they are accompanied by strange lights in the sky, mysterious beams of light, and suggestions of government cover-ups. It seems that no matter how far from civilization, in the Outback of Australia, the Black Forest of Germany, or the rolling plains of Nebraska, one thing is certain: Where there are cows, there will be some intergalactic intrigue.
So, without further ado, hold on tight as we travel the world through the most outrageous reports of alien cow abduction. Get ready for a journey filled with mystery, mayhem, and a few good laughs as we explore the strange and moody universe of cosmic cattle shenanigans!
1. Snippy the Horse, Colorado, USA (1967)
First up, Snippy, the first victim to be abducted by aliens wasn’t a human, wasn’t even a chicken, wasn’t even a dog, wasn’t even a cat, and wasn’t even a cow, but was some common animal. Alamosa, Colorado’s Appaloosa horse, Snippy, was discovered looking like it had been in a fight with a really sophisticated vegetable peeler, with its neck and head stripped to the bone, with no blood, and no predator tracks, and having a stench that ranchers called ‘chemical funk’. And here’s the kicker: Residents of the area reported strange lights in the sky moving around the skies prior to this. Could this have been the first extraterrestrial base before they graduated to cattle? Probably. Snippy, you are a legend.
2. Santiago, Chile (2002)
If cows could report their working conditions to their employer, then 2002 would have been the year that Chilean ranchers would have had something to say. Over the skies of Santiago, cows were found with their hearts, livers and tongues missing. But that wasn’t all; the way it happened was incredible. These weren’t rough hacks; it was like aliens came in with a scalpel and a lot of questions about bovine anatomy. And of course, the glowing orbs were seen flying over the nearby Andes Mountains as if they were on a little road trip through some beautiful countryside to get to work. There are a lot of questions for the people making these UFO trips.
3. The Mutilation Epidemic in Argentinia (2002)
In 2002, cows in Argentina began to die in a manner that couldn’t be explained in any way. That year, there were more than 200 reported cases of cattle mutilations, and ranchers were spooked. The eyes, tongue, and other ‘special parts’ were taken out, but the most surprising element was that there was not even a single drop of blood. The hocicudo, a rude rodent, was blamed for it by the officials but the ranchers weren’t convinced. Then you get glowing UFOs spotted in the middle of nowhere, and voila—you’ve got the alien equivalent of a South American barbecue.
4. The Welsh UFO Cow Event, Wales, UK (1977)
Visualize a situation of a peaceful Welsh farm, beautiful scenery and – hold on, what is that? A cow with some very important parts missing. In 1977, some people discovered a mutilated cow and it wasn’t pretty at all. There was no trace of a fight – no traces, no blood, and absolutely nothing else. The locals called it the ‘Welsh Roswell’ of course, there were UFOs reported the night before. Furthermore, the military people arrived not long after that, which only added more conspiracy to this odd mixture. I love your sheep, Wales, but this cow story? Legendary.
5. The Linda Moulton Howe Investigations, United States of America (1980s)
If cattle mutilations were to be induction into a hall of fame, then Linda Moulton Howe would be its curator. In the 1980s, she investigated hundreds of cases of cows allegedly being abducted by aliens and her study was like reading a sci-fi movie. One Colorado rancher looked at 12 cows with surgical cuts, no blood, and wounds that looked cut up with a laser – like aliens were using their plastic surgery kits. Moreover, ranchers also reported seeing unmarked helicopters and beams of light that were scanning fields as if a UFO was beaming up cow organs to a starship. Linda’s work became well known and if there is one lesson to be learned from it, it is this: cows are the favourite food of aliens.
6. The Alberta Incident, Canada (1990s)
The Canadian mystery of the 1990s, where ranchers in Alberta too found their cows with precise cuts, missing parts and without blood. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police did a head shake and eliminated the bears, wolves or that one man in your neighborhood who just takes a little too much interest in taxidermy. In the meantime, locals claimed to have observed glowing lights floating around in the fields, as if there was some alien rave going on in the sky. Alberta: famous for maple syrup, hockey, and, it seems, space cow farming.
The Canadian mystery of the 1990s, where ranchers in Alberta too found their cows with precise cuts, missing parts and without blood. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police did a head shake and eliminated the bears, wolves or that one man in your neighborhood who just takes a little too much interest in taxidermy. In the meantime, locals claimed to have observed glowing lights floating around in the fields, as if there was some alien rave going on in the sky. Alberta: famous for maple syrup, hockey, and, it seems, space cow farming.
7. The Outback Cattle Mystery, Australia (2014)
If you thought the Australian Outback was scary (spiders the size of dinner plates, for instance?), then in 2014, ranchers discovered that cattle had their organs missing with cuts so precise that they could have been made by a Michelin-starred chef. There were no footprints, no tire tracks, only sinister orbs of light flying across the desert. It looks like the aliens paid a visit to get a basic course in human anatomy before vanishing back into the ether. The only thing worse than this mystery? Attemping to explain it to your mates at the pub without appearing quite insane.
8. The Ashland Case, Nebraska, USA (1967)
Nebraska is famous for its corn, but in 1967, it captured the headlines for some rather odd cow activities. Mullered cattle with their reproductive organs and tongues missing, and they did not look like they had been chewed up by a mountain lion. It doesn’t help that there were reports of glowing UFOs in the sky, it’s like the plot of a sci-fi thriller. Nebraska: Enjoy the corn and don’t miss the alien cow episodes.
9. The Black Forest Case, Germany (1996)
What is scarier than a dark, cloudy forest? Mutilated cows in a dark, cloudy forest. In 1996, German ranchers in the Black Forest discovered that cattle had their organs removed and incised with precision, while people living nearby claimed that the day before some light beams were shining through the trees. It’s like a scary Grimm’s fairy tale but with aliens instead of witches. So if you are ever hiking in the Black Forest, look out for UFOs and perhaps it is advisable to stay away from the cows.
10. The Rancher’s Nightmare, Brazil (2019)
The 2019 Brazilian cattle case was a nightmarish situation for ranchers. Five cows had their tongues and eyes cut out, and again there was no blood, and it appeared as though the wounds had been cauterised. People claimed to have seen silent and glowing craft floating in the air, as if the aliens were conducting some sort of scientific experiment. Brazil may be famous for its carnivals and samba, but this event shows that perhaps the aliens were also partying there – only in a very unconventional manner.
BONUS: Moozart’s Great Escape ???
This one may not be true, but listen to this: Our favourite cow composer Moozart is reported to have disappeared one moonlit night, leaving behind a hoof written symphony called ‘Intergalactic Grazing Sonata’. Did the aliens steal Moozart to create their own intergalactic country club? Maybe. Did Moozart agree to join the ship and look for a better pasture on the stars? It’s possible. One thing is for sure: No matter where Moozart is, they are definitely the most famous bovine on the ship. We’ve even made The Original Alien Abduction Lamp in memory of Moozart the cow, check it out here.
And there you go: 10 (with one bonus!) stories of cows, UFOs, and extraterrestrial abduction theories. Whether you are a skeptic or a believer, one thing is certain: The aliens clearly have a beef with cattle on Earth.